Sunday, February 17, 2008

I'm such a loser

I'm in nursing school. Nearly done actually. Just a few more months. I graduate in May. I have 3 more tests. 1 final. A paper to write. Some online tests to do. Finish up my preceptorship next month. And finally, and most importantly, pass the NCLEX. Then I will be a Registered Nurse!

I'm running out of money I am afraid. This is causing a great deal of stress in my life and I can't for the life of me seem to find another job. I'll admit that I'm not looking as hard as I could be, but I don't like the idea of just settling.
I have come to the realization that as an RN I will be highly desirable, but with only 3 months to go I'm not worth crap to anyone apparently. I worked at circuit city for over 4 years before I quit to work for a local hospital. Apparently I was worse worthless to them because they let me know very quickly I was 'not what they were looking for' and that I just "Wasn't cut out to work in the ER.". This was news to me.
I worked my butt off as a tech for a month only to be asked into the office on an unsuspecting afternoon to be told I just wasn't cut out for it. They might has well have told me that I was going to make a horrible nurse and I might as well have dropped out of nursing school right then and there, because that is how it made me feel. This was happened August of last year. I have written multiple letters and made several phone calls begging for a hint as to what made me so undesirable to them and they have decided that they either don't have a reason or that they don't wish to tell me.
I filed for unemployment and was accepted. My notice said I was fired for unsatisfactory job performance but that I was not informed I was performing unsatisfactorily or that it was going to make me loose my job.
I think about this at least once a day or more. Once a day for the past 6 months. My employment has ran out. I've got 3 months till I'm a FREAKING NURSE and no one will hire me.
I must be the biggest jerk ever. I don't know what specifically I've done to be considered so undesirable but it's killing me. I hate this. I want to work. I feel so worthless. I feel useless. And I'm pissed off!

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